It’s no secret that I’m a fan of Klout, but occasionally people ask me why exactly I’m so fond of it.
Because it’s a game.
See, you have a score. It’s between 1 and 100. And you go around running off at the mouth to try and make your score go up.
And then people go “But what does it mean? What good is that score?”
Well, uh, there are the Klout “perks.” Someone sent me some sex lubricant once. And someone else sent me an ebook. Neither one of which I particularly wanted or needed or used. Yves Saint Laurent sent me a sample of L’Homme Libre cologne, which was nice, although I had received the same damn sample a couple months earlier from a promotion on XBox Live. But you know, that’s kind of… immaterial, honestly. I don’t care about that shit.
I just want a high score.
But, but… why?
Klout is nothing more than a big dick-pulling contest.
There is no actual point to it.
You have a score! Your friends have a score! You can compare!
If yours is bigger, does it make you better than them?
It’s all just a bunch of crap. It doesn’t mean anything.
The numbers are just… there.
Maybe you post a flurry of pointless shit on Twitter, so it goes up.
Maybe you go on vacation and don’t update Facebook, so it goes down.
It doesn’t fucking matter.
Now, of course, people want it to matter. Everyone’s trying to figure out how exactly Klout’s score works, just to see if they can’t game the process and jack up their score so people think they’re important.
Which, of course, will make Klout even more meaningless.
It doesn’t mean shit, people. It’s an arbitrary number based on how important some guy thinks different stuff is on social media.
It’s just like those retarded graphics people give you for having an “Awesome Website Award!” or “Product of the Day!” – nobody really voted on it. It’s not like anyone who actually matters liked your site. Some guy just said “I would like to slap a graphic on that other person’s site” and asked you to do it for him.
And by simply stroking your cane a little, he convinced you to jump up and down clapping your hands squealing “I won an award!” instead of going “What? Put your stupid butt-ugly graphics on your own site. Fuck off.”
Don’t get me wrong. Games are fun. That’s why I like Klout: it’s fun. I like to log in and see what my score is. I like to check my friends out and see what their scores are. I like to +K my friends and add them to my “influencers” list when they say cool stuff.
But I don’t have any delusion that this means something. I don’t sit around playing Monopoly and thinking I can move into the house I just built on Kentucky Avenue. It’s a game. It’s fun. That’s all.