I Hate This Shit

You know what really pisses me off?

I keep wanting to say “Hey, all those other people do that shit, but not me! I don’t do that! I’d never do that! You can trust me!”

But that’s exactly what one of those fuckers would say, so there’s no way in hell you could ever actually trust me to mean that. If I was going to rip you off and rob you blind and tell you to go fuck yourself, the first thing I would need to do is get you to trust me. And the fastest, easiest way to do that is to just tell you to fucking trust me.

And if you were a complete fucking idiot, you’d say “OKAY!” and start throwing money at me.

But if I actually want you as a customer, you’re not a complete fucking idiot. Do the math on that; if you’re completely fucking stupid and will trust someone just because they say “trust me!” – I don’t want you as a customer.

Seriously. Don’t trust me. Don’t believe whatever I tell you. Expect me to prove it. Demand that I prove it. When I tell you “my product will help you do this and that,” I mean three things.

First, if you don’t need to do this and that, don’t fucking buy it.

Honestly, don’t buy shit that doesn’t apply to you. If you have a thriving CPA business, and you’ve never wanted or needed to make your own products, why the fuck would you buy anything about making your own products? That’s just stupid. If you’re buying something to improve your business, buy shit about, you know – your business. Not whatever somebody told you is “the only way to make real money” or some such bullshit. There are thousands of business models out there. Find one that works for you, and stick to it.

Second, if you’re not going to do this and that, don’t fucking buy it.

Honestly, it is not my fucking problem if you’re too Goddamn lazy to get off your arse and do what I tell you in the product. I’m pretty up-front about the fact that my shit needs you to go do some fucking work, and if you don’t care enough to put in the time, just shut the fuck up and go away.

Finally, if you actually use the product to do this and that, expect it to fucking work.

Don’t make excuses. If you took a product I sold you and used it, but you didn’t get the results I promised… open your Goddamn mouth and say something about it. Because that basically means my product wasn’t good enough for you, and if it’s because you’re an overly demanding fuckhead I won’t be shy about telling you that… but if it’s because I fucked up, I want to fix it. Product development is a long and difficult process, and I’m constantly balancing “this problem needs more research” with “people need this now.” If you’ve found a problem with the product, bring me the problem and let me fix it.

There are a lot of people out there who will give you different instructions, because their instructions add up to them getting to take and keep your money more often. They’ll tell you their products are for “everyone” or that it’s an “autopilot” system or the product “needs a certain commitment.” They’ll tell you that you should try it to see if it’s for you, and ask for a refund if it isn’t. Because there’s no risk!

But that’s bullshit. That’s a waste of your fucking time. Real business owners are ruthless with their time. They don’t have thirty days to work full-time on some stupid new SEO strategy; they have a couple hours a day, at most, and if they don’t know whether SEO is for them or not… they aren’t going to waste over a hundred hours on it.

And you want a real business, right? Because that’s the shit I’m talking about here, not fucking around being entertained by the dog and pony show of “automatic ninja push button sniper autopilot panda assassin” bullshit.

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